I Want to Fit In

Politically Incorrect Social Studies

Observations on College Beauty: Sophomores

Posted by iwanttofitin on February 28, 2007

College sophomores really aren’t that much different than the freshmen. Yeah, they have one year under their belt, but all that has done for them is added 15lbs (some will have put on more) to their puny frames. That makes a huge difference with all those tight clothes they started with. The shirt no longer reaches the pants. The tire swing around your waste is kinda gross.

I’ll admit it, the sophomore isn’t that exciting. They dress and act the same as freshmen. There is one added difference. They like to talk about how they are sophomores. A lot. It’s like all of a sudden they have this right to be cool. “Oh, I feel so old. High school feels like such a long time ago.” Get over it. I’ve been out of high school for almost 5 years. tough. What does all this have to do with beauty? Hold on. I’m thinking. This one is hard. Got it. Inner beauty. Nah. Continue to the next paragraph.

To the untrained eye (by this I mean a quick glance) one would think these youngins had already fallen into the slothful looking student. They finally get it and are taking the advice of their upper class-men. Sorry. Wrong observation. Did you look at any of the girls’ butts? Of course you did. What have you seen? PINK, SEXY, SLUTT, HOTT. These are secret codes for “I’m going to dress like the old folks but I’ll do it with style and I’m a whore in case you didn’t get the hint.” Sophomores miss the point. Dressing down isn’t done for fashion or for looks. It’s done out of necessity and comfort. It’s also done out of laziness.

Females are wearing prostitute pants and pirate pants (girls refer to these as Gauchos or something retarded like that) and the guys are wearing, well, they’re wearing the same exact thing as last year. Now, though, they’ve added a full range of colors to their color popping ways. Not content with just pink, they’ve decided that purple, hot orange, and lime green are ok too. I used to think this was out of style, but I see it happening more often than I’d like. Come on. The sweatshop worker put a crease in that collar for a reason. The least you could do is honor that dead child’s wishes.

If you’re looking to find a good girl to date, the sophomore year pickings are the best. Now that there has been some time to forget their high school stupidity, there are a few slim pickings available. 95% of the girls are doing the trashy pajama wear, so all you have to do is pick through the 5% who aren’t. They will usually already be well on their way to “I just woke up” crowd or just dress well. That’s a good specimen right there. Guys, you better find one under 20 so you can train them. You don’t want to be dragged around by her high maintenance ways. Get them out that face mask. Offer to peel it off with some surgical gloves because there might be mites or something living in that bacteria festival.

Girls can find a good guy too. Look for the guy who isn’t a dweeb and isn’t yelling across the dining hall to someone he met just once. You want the guy who has friends, not the one who pretends he does. The one who isn’t running across the green yelling for the football probably has a better self esteem. Of course, I’m biased. I suck at football. Oh yeah, make sure he has body hair too. The guy who looks like he just waxed himself is a bad bet.

Stay tune for part three: Juniors


8 Responses to “Observations on College Beauty: Sophomores”

  1. David said

    My favorite is the sexy pink shirt with the popped collar for the guys.

    I kid.

  2. Catie said

    My favorite part is that your girlfriend is a sophomore.

  3. SLIMJIM said

    Are you still going to college brother?

  4. This is a pretty rough commentary. I can sense your irritation and the black cloud over your shoulder. I would challenge you to write the same blog but from the opposite point. What is it about sophomores that is so alluring and wonderful…? This could push your writing and creativity to the next level. 😉

  5. JS Melton said

    my favorite part is that…um…there are girls on campus.

    what can i say…im not too picky.

  6. See, I would write about the good side of sophomores or college students in general, but that isn’t humorous to anyone. Besides, I think everyone can agree that college and the people are pretty awesome anyway.

    Hey Melton, there are girls on campus. That’s my favorite part too.

  7. From a male perspective:
    “Why college sophomores rock my world”
    They’ve been there long enough to get over that college awkwardness (‘where am I going?’ ‘will you be my friend’ ‘I’m cool aren’t I?’ ‘Can I go to that party?’). And suddenly they’re up a whole new interesting level. They’re sluttier, sexier, wilder, smart, funnier, and getting comfortable with what it means to be an independent woman. There are few things hotter than a college sophomore. She hasn’t become a nerdy college student, hasn’t become an alcoholic (yet), and those 15 extra pounds actually make her breasts a little bigger (score!). …

    I could go on…but…I won’t. 🙂

  8. Sophomore year is time to make up for the token mistakes of freshman year: grades, friends, style, diet, time, work, partying….. The question remains though, why doesn’t the male sophomore change?! This is why the sophomore girl learns (quite quickly, i might add), that the men of her age group are far less desirable than the juniors/seniors+ (grads, TA’s).. 😉
    Sort of like the evolutionary process of sexual selection infers, the sophomore girl will not face the challenges of obtaining a mate as her previous year, but will still be subject to an asymmetry of sex, of sorts. No longer as willing to DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to get attention/be desirable, she’s now on the lookout for someone she can directly benefit from, perhaps in the form of an investment in her future? Tables have turned, allowing her to offer less than what she may gain, in the trade off.
    Basically, I’m just going to look for someone OLDER, backed by a high number of reasons.

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