I Want to Fit In

Politically Incorrect Social Studies

Observations on College Beauty: Juniors

Posted by iwanttofitin on March 1, 2007

I was recently asked if I was still in college. Sadly, the answer to this question is a very simple “yes.” I assumed the question was in reference to my observation abilities. Do I qualify to make these statements about the current college student. I do. I have been and am currently one of them. I have climbed the ladder to the top of the rung and have experience being in the presence of every one of these levels of “beauty.”

Moving on to the important stuff; juniors are a fun little breed. I was happy to be a junior. Freshmen and sophomores are in awe of you. For what I’m not sure. Maybe it had to do with the ease in which the older folks handled pressure and seemed to be more sure of themselves. The world wasn’t crumbling around them during mid-terms even though it probably was getting to them on the inside. I personally spent enough time in the library ready to just take an F on an exam because I was tired of studying.

For the junior, class has become an extreme inconvenience. It is very time consuming. Showing up 5, 15, even 30 minutes late isn’t unusual. No one says anything unless the teacher cares about your education. About the only class you’ll see a junior in on a regular occasion is one in which the teacher takes attendance. That is a real pain. Who’s paying for the class? Maybe the teacher isn’t very good. That ought to give the professor a hint that his class might need to be tailored differently. Or, it could just mean that the bed is much more inviting.

Juniors are very distinguishable from the rest of campus-even seniors which I will be discussing in disgustingly vivid detail at a later date. I will begin with the women. They are women now that most are out of their teenage years. Not always mentally though.

The human trait of laziness is almost in full bloom on campus. Those pajamas you see those girls wearing (I think I was premature with the use of “women”) are real pajamas. They actually slept in those. They’re comfortable and warm. Very useful for when you need to sleep during class. The hair all up in that ganked up pony tail is not the latest fashion craze. It is the need to make the greasiness appear less so. If you think she is going prematurely gray, don’t fret. That is only baby powder being used to give the hair a more healthy and clean look. She just used too much.

Don’t worry, those pimples aren’t from her overactive teenage glands. Remember, she’s probably 20. No, those pimples are there because she “forgot” to shower this morning and last night…and the day before. Those pajamas that we talked about earlier are worn even in hot weather. Most girls probably sleep in some sort of short in warmer weather. Why the pajama bottoms? I’ll tell you why. You know how some girls rarely shave during the winter because they wear pants all the time? Just extend that for junior college girls. They rarely shave at all. Don’t fault them. It’s understandable and forgivable. They’re girls. We like them anyway because God made them so awesome.

Guys are just as awful, if not more so. If job recruiters were to go around campus and randomly interview students for jobs, junior guys (seniors too but this isn’t about them) would never get hired. It’s nice of universities to set up specific times for job fairs so students can clean themselves up and hopefully fool recruiters into getting them an interview.

Facial hair could be considered an asset of sorts. It can compliment a guy’s face and even make him look manlier. Or, it can make you look like a slob and the wolf-man. Girls must really be able to see a guy’s inside because, bless them, they really have to. The beard and shaggy hair just doesn’t do any guy justice. I’m not talking about the shag that was popular a few years back. Some people could pull of that surfer do. I’ll admit I was guilty of the shaggy hair too. Straight hair becomes curly and the curls become waves. We’re talking long and no style. I had wings flowing of my neck. Add to that the white college hat that’s become brown from all the dirt and grease from not bathing and you a have a thoroughly unattractive face.

Clothing is another thing. This is too varied to really go into detail on. If you don’t smell the beer on the clothes, he might be clean. Extensive cologne use and he’s probably trying to cover up the fact that he hasn’t applied a fresh round of deodorant. That’s really all there is. This is kind of important. Those holes in his pants are not for fashion. He didn’t buy them that way unless he is one of the bathers. If he stinks, those holes are from something he did the night before while drunk.

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One Response to “Observations on College Beauty: Juniors”

  1. Catie said

    ha…baby powder.

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