I Want to Fit In

Politically Incorrect Social Studies

“What Not to Wear” Has Hired Me

Posted by iwanttofitin on March 6, 2007

Over the past few days I have been in negotiations with the producers of the show “What Not to Wear” to be a fashion consultant. Someone who works on the show came across my blog and was impressed with my ability to point out faulty fashion ideas. Last night we agreed on the terms of my contract and I will be working for them starting next season. To preface my employment, I want to write a post dealing with some fashion no nos. My ability to tear people down will become an even greater asset through this.

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Gauchos: These have been discussed in previous posts, but they are so bad that they must be touched on again. Pirate pants. That’s what they are. Johnny Depp might have a few friends wearing these. Are they comfortable? Girls think so. Robes are comfortable but those aren’t worn out. Robes don’t impress and neither do gauchos. The leg of a pant should not have the same measurements as the waist.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingCapris: Capris can be worn well depending on the style and who you are. The leg MUST end at mid to mid-top portion of the calf. The fit should be close to that of normal jeans or pants. Over-sized is not an option and neither is painted-on tight. If you have the body that tends to be of the overweight type, capris are not an option. These pants take away valuable real estate from the lower leg area making your top-half look even bigger. Take my word for it. I’m in the business of knowing fashion dos and don’ts.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingWhite pants: Let me start by saying that white pants in and of themselves are not a bad fashion option. They look good and are classy-if you wear the right kind. If you are proud of your rear and brightly colored thong, then please, wear them because every guy will know where you bought that green g-string. If you choose to wear white pants after my warning, make sure the material is not see-through. Also, wear nude colored underwear. Or you could ignore my advice and make a lot of guy friends. You might even get promoted.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingShawls: I’m not sure how this fashion trend started. Clint Eastwood wore one in the 1970’s with the Spaghetti Western movies. Is it a shirt? No. What about a dress? No. A blanket? No, but that might as well be what it is. Shawls look like an Afghan blanket draped over your shoulders. Why not just wear a jacket or coat if you’re cold? Are you trying to hide something underneath? Shawls make you look suspicious and unflattering.

I will in no way attempt to defend the accuracy of the first paragraph and headline.

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One Response to ““What Not to Wear” Has Hired Me”

  1. lizzyd said

    I can totally see you on this show. I really think you would be a good asset for the show. Please find out whether or not Clinton is gay. I just can’t figure it out.

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