I Want to Fit In

Politically Incorrect Social Studies

Ozzy Osborne is Physically Immortal

Posted by iwanttofitin on March 7, 2007

It has dawned on me that Ozzy Osborne, best known as the lead vocalist for Black Sabbath, will live forever. I don’t mean this in terms of musical immortality. We all know this is true. Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osborne produced music that revolutionized the industry. No, I’m talking about his physical self. He won’t need to be frozen and brought back to life at a later date. His body is in a pure state of preservation that there is no need to provide care for this man. He won’t need it. His body is immune to any disease or virus or any other malady.

The reason for Ozzy’s immortality comes from his extensive drug use. At first, one might think that his drug use would cause him to have a decreased life span. The conventional wisdom would agree with this, but we must look further than convention. Ozzy has consumed so many drugs beyond any human being’s capacity, that his body has evolved into a superbly functioning being.

To combat the extensive destructive properties in body destroying drugs, Ozzy’s internal functions have evolved spontaneously to be able to continue living. What would normally kill an elephant has no effect on Ozzy.

His body now produces any healing and preservation properties the drugs he took contained. His body is an uber product of spontaneous evolution. We should all look to his example and wish to live forever.

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3 Responses to “Ozzy Osborne is Physically Immortal”

  1. Baby Jebus said

    Ozzy is a hack.

  2. Catie said

    Duh, he’s “Iron Man.”

  3. mariannauke said

    hahaha good one!

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