I Want to Fit In

Politically Incorrect Social Studies

On the Road to Engagement: Part 2

Posted by iwanttofitin on March 13, 2007

I didn’t forget about this series. Maybe I wanted to. It’s weird writing about this subject, especially with a title like this, when I have a girlfriend who reads these things. This one wasn’t thought through very well.

So the lucky guy has lost 2 years off his life, but he does have a date to show for his troubles. It’s worth it, right? Hopefully.

You decide to take it slow and don’t want to do anything that reeks too much of a date, so you go for dinner and a nice cup of some sort of sugar laden coffee type drink from Starbucks. Safe.

The dinner establishment is the safest bet available-an American style restaurant. We’re talking a lame place for a first date like Applebees, TGI Fridays, Chilis. These may be lame, but the overall value extending from what they offer is more than you can imagine. There are usually no weird entrees with strange names. The onion/garlic content is kept to a minimum. Messy foods are few and far between. If your fingers touch a food, it is either a chip or a hamburger bun. You’re not having to determine whether licking the wing sauce off your fingers is ok or not. It’s not. Use the infinite napkins on the table. What are you? 15? It’s ok. I lick my fingers too, but not on a first date. It’s a rule. You want to trick her into liking you. Duh.

You spend the whole night thinking of conversation while at the same time wondering if you look like a moron eating your food. Did you smack? Probably. Chew with mouth open? Let’s hope not. Oh man, you might have had a chunk of food in your teeth. You did. What a night. You even dropped your fork on the floor. So embarrassing. Don’t worry, she either thought it was cute ot disgusting. If she found your awkwardness disgusting, just dump that tramp. A god girl can look past the awkward stages and see if you have anything interesting about you. No worries. She dug you, but those few early gray hairs are the price you paid.

Wow, the two of you had a pretty good time and she even told you to call her the NEXT day. There is definitely something about you she likes. Maybe those gray hairs add character. Who knows?

The next 8 or 9 months go off without a hitch and you begin to make plans for your future. This is when your life expectancy really drops off. Sorry. It’s a rule.


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