I Want to Fit In

Politically Incorrect Social Studies

Atheist and Evolutionist Idiocracy

Posted by iwanttofitin on March 20, 2007

Most of you understand that a lot of what I write is written as an obvious joke or isn’t meant to be taken completely serious. Some of my more popular articles were posted on some message boards and many people have left comments on the boards and not on my blog. If you think you’ve read the best, there is plenty more in store. These comments are in response to Dogs Poo Better Than Humans. As a warning, there is some language that some might deem inappropriate. I am in not mood to edit all of these. Oh, and there’s a lot of them. Only about 2 or 3 people realized it was a joke. I will post some more dealing with other articles later.

The Belly Bionic,

That’s quite possibly the stupidest attempt at disproving evolution I’ve ever heard. I pray to whatever deity may be out there that you’re just kidding, because I hate to think of a world where there are people who get to that level of flaming moron.

Davage,

thats funny, lol i cannot even begin to take this seriously. first of all, ive taken clean shits before… it happens to me all the time. i take a wipe and the “foreign material” is as clean as it was before the wipe! i guess i am more evolved than you!! haha. if you really are having trouble with this try some grooming… if you have no hairs there, it cannot cling to anything! ( i think you wrote this article just to get some hygiene advice, and disguised it in an anti evolution
article!)

more wrong assumptions that you made: that we are physically more evolved than dogs (in every way): dogs outrun us, they can sniff bombs, they never lie, throw a dog in water and it will swim out and not drown… the hairier dogs dont need a coat to survive a winter…
anyways dogs do wipe too, they use their tongues!

unless you are a scientist or studied science deeply, do not comment on whats a great observation or not. lol i guess this is your website… the rest of the articles are hilarious too, its a shame that you actually believe its true.

“I Want to Fit In
Politically Incorrect Social Studies” is written on top of the webpages… its incorrect in every way, judging gays for not being big lumberjack guys but instead sissies… come on, theres no point of that at all!! completely missing the point even about the homo argument!!

Mike,

Question for rationalists,

Is this guy crossing wires between the food chain(more evolved) and evolution? Can something be MORE evolved? I guess it can but sharks for instance are great predators of the sea but it’s my understanding that they don’t evolve much. Doesn’t evolution just trend with survival skills?

This dumb post made me want to learn about evolution more.

DGP,

Something can be more evolved then something else, but it usually depends on how complicated the niche is that the species is filling. Evolution is all about niches. Ecosystems are basically a collection of niches being filled by different species. Sharks fill a specific niche that they mastered millions of years ago. This is why they don’t evolve much, they don’t need to in order to survive.

Evolution is as much about surviing preditors as it is about surviving environments. Environmental conditions are often a great spawner of species evolutionary change (or species extinction if no adaptations are successful) becuase they strain the population. Say for example
the Atlantic ocean lost a great deal of its salinity, many species of fish would be in trouble, but the ones that could survive in this environment would begin to flourish. This capability may have have been a random mutation or partially developed mutation that now has a purpose and will actively be bred into the next generation because the ones that couldn’t breath in the water would be dead. In evolution the ability (ex.: breathing fresh water) usually comes before the need to do so (ex: water’s becoming fresh) because of mutations and localized adaptations. In this way a lemur like animal can go from being toe jam of dinasaurs to a few million years later, running the planet 😉

The Deviliam,

Dog poop? This is what anti-evolutions have resorted to? Great, if your entire conception of the development of life revolves around shit.

I think the greatest argument against evolution is the fact that some people are still too stupid to believe in evolution.

Should I explain it again? It always goes ignored–but it’s just _so simple_. It isn’t a complicated thing. Black people tend to have black kids and white lizards tend to have white lizards so _traits pass on_. Could anybody even be dumb enough to dispute this? If a trait is more beneficial to survival, then–d’uh–it is more likely to survive, and therefore more likely to be passed on. There is no logical flaw in this whatsoever.

_What is so hard to understand about this_? Not only does this need to be explained in schools very clearly like I just explained it, children over the age of ten who don’t get it within ten minutes should be declared mentally retarded. If they still can’t be helped, they should either be euthanized or put in zoos.

DJA,

I’m assuming this was a joke, but if you don’t think it is I can point out a certain comment for you:

“I hope you don’t seriously intend for this to be an argument against evolution.”

That being said, humans get so messy after a dump because of butt cheeks. They are the site where muscles used in walking upright are attached. Thus they are absent in dogs, as they are quadrupedal. Examine a dog’s anus. It’s just the sphincter. Us humans have those butt cheeks,
which the excreted fecal matter is forced to scrape against while leaving the body. Dogs have nothing there for the poop to leave a mess on except, as you noted earlier, hair. Their major leg muscles are in the thigh and thus out of the way of post digested food.

“The one thing that drives me so far away from evolution is that if
we are supposed to be the epitomy of the evolved world.”

“If any evolutionist tells you that humans are the epitome of
anything, he is pushing a religious or philosophical agenda and not
speaking scientifically.” –abyssalleviathin

Toby,

You misunderstand the theory of evolution. The theory does *not* suppose that we are the “epitome of the evolved world”. Dogs are just as highly evolved as we are; so are fish; so are worms. Each of these animals has spent billions of years evolving, and will continue to evolve for… well… probably just a few more years until we nuke the planet.

Evolution has no “end target” that it’s aiming for. It’s a process of gradually refining a species to fit in with its surroundings. Humans fit in nicely on the land, but fish are nicely evolved for living in the sea, where humans have trouble.

Also, evolution rarely produces perfect results. For example, it would probably be quite beneficial for humans to have wheels: we could go downhill really, really fast, and when we needed to go uphill, we could use our existing legs. However, as evolution is a process of gradual refinement, we are unlikely to evolve wheels, as the middle stages — the weird lumpy bits that in millions of years might become wheels — would pose no advantage. In fact, the weird lumpy bits would probably mark those few people who had them as freaks, make them less attractive to the
opposite sex, and thus less likely to reproduce, so the wheely people would never get a chance to evolve. Evolution has no foresight — it has no way of saying, “trust me on this — in a couple of million years, these lumpy bits will be a major selling point”.

Things that evolution does very well are making species faster, taller, better at jumping, better at finding food — stuff that has an immediate advantage. I’m not just talking about simple stuff though: complex stuff can present an immediate advantage too. Consider eyes. Originally,
creatures had no eyes — they were totally blind. Then one day, some freak was born with slightly photosensitive skin. By concentrating really hard, it was able to tell whether it was dark or light. As most creatures back then were cold blooded, being good at seeking out the sun was a big advantage, so this creature prospered and passed on its genes. A while later, one of these creatures with photosensitive skin developed slightly better photosensitive skin — how was it better? Who knows? Perhaps it could detect certain colours, or perhaps it could detect edges and curves and stuff. Anyway, over millions of years, some creatures evolved eyes. Worms didn’t evolve eyes, but in their environment, they don’t need eyes: they burrow underground where there’s no light. They don’t need eyes. They happened to evolve in a different direction from the one we did — they’re not *less* evolved, but *differently* evolved.

I’m not claiming that worms are our equals in all respects. We’re clearly more intelligent than them; faster, stronger, and better backgammon players. What more can you ask for? But evolution doesn’t care about any of that. Evolution has no “end target”, so we’re in no way closer to “winning the evolution game” than they are.

This one cracked me up. He obviously got it.

Ronald,

Who is more human, the worm or the illegal alien who raped and murdered all those little girls?

Jim,

yeah, that’s pretty funny! too bad the writer has no clue what evolution is all about.

Greywolf,

Well, well, well. I just have to scratch my head then and wonder why would a supremely gifted supernaturally created … scratch that … uh … ‘ready-made’ supernatural creature who endowed himself with supernatural powers beyond description … during his pre-existence period … Ooops, scratch that … I mean during that period he *always* existed … well not exactly *during* the period he always was, but at the *start* of the period he always was … … ‘create’ man *and* dog to ‘poop’ in the first place? Did his Godness *really* feel that ‘poop’ should stink so and not come out smelling like the cherry blossoms *my* poop comes out smelling like? What useful purpose does paint-curdling poop do for an ‘Intelligent Designer’? Oh, I get it! Instead of offering slaughtered baby virgin lambs up to Mr. Intelligent Designer as a ‘burnt offering’, he must prefer the aroma of ‘poop’ wafting up to the heavens instead. Or am I all wrong about this?

Okay. I had my little ‘fun’. Don’t let that smoke coming out of your ears suffocate you to death. We atheists can be a little ‘insensitive’ at times too, you know. Don’t have a baby over this little bit of silliness.

As for your dislike of evolution: Why not drag ‘God’ out of the heavens by his scruff and say to mankind, ‘Look-ee here!’ Here’s that God you filthy atheists don’t believe exists!

Na na Nah na Nah na! Eh’?

Mark K. Bilbo,

That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve read this year.

Where on hell do these idiots get the idea that evolution has some kind of “goal” in mind? Evolution is about survival of the most fit and “good enough” solutions. If having to wipe your ass resulted in widespread death before reproductive age, *then maybe there’d be some selection pressure…

Quibbler,

Talk about a creationist who is full of dogshit. What he actually is demonstrating with his scientifically illiterate rant is that humans were not “intelligently designed”. Otherwise we would be more accomplished and efficient “poopers.” Heck we might barely even need to poop if we
could digest our food more effectively. OTOH, there is likely not a strong evolutionary advantage for humans to need to be clean poopers, as he seems to demand, since they have hands and big brains and can figure out how to wash or wipe. Or maybe creationists haven’t figured that out yet, having not yet completely evolved.

GoDrex,

if I make sure to get enough fiber, the poo just falls out of my ass – no
muss no fuss…

that’s a shitty theory you’ve got there.

human’s are not more evolved than other animals. Also, all kinds of animals have abilities that FAR outstrip us. eagles and hawks see far better, cheatas and horses run faster, etc. We’re just really good with language and thinking. your poo theory stinks.

Bob Young,

An intelligent creator would hardly create man in ‘it’s’ own image and give him cancer at old age and allow an unborn fetus [one in around 400,000] to arrive so grossly deformed the parents are not even allowed to see it. [This deformity of a fetus in both man an animals comes from an aberration of the evolutionary process as any intelligent individual knows]

Religionists have two things in common, they all wear blinkers and are incapable of rational thought.

What makes evolution work is ‘gratification’. Every living thing has it it to
lesser or greater extent.

The basic ones are food and copulation, with humans there are endless branches
of the need for gratification.

Religionists get theirs groveling to imaginary gods. The tape worm gets it solely by chewing food and squirting it out at the other end……. but linked the two are, linked by the passage of time and evolutionary process.

Tire Biter,

Common sense observation is one of the least scientific methods of proving something. Starting with the straw man that we’re supposed to be “the epitome of the evolved world”. No evolution scientist would claim that.

This isn’t even a nice try.

Ron O,

I doubt that the guy is serious. He also hasn’t raised any longhaired breeds like yorkies. He also hasn’t observed dogs wiping their bums on the grass or on the carpet.

Why does incompetent design mean that an intelligent designer did it?

Richard Clayton,

If a biological system seems clever or optimal, that proves Go- um, I mean, the unspecified Intelligent Designer did it.

If the system seems suboptimal or downright stupid, that STILL proves the Intelligent Designer did it, since we can’t speculate about the Designer’s methods or motives.

Steve Marshall,

Well some of evolved enough intelligence to use toilet paper, so no mess! Maybe the writer hasn’t figured this one out yet?

Bullpup,

His/her opening paragraph sort of says it all:

***********
I am a firm anti-evolution person. The one thing that drives me so far away from evolution is that if we are supposed to be the epitome of the evolved world, why are we so messy after a good poo?

***********

The “Argument of (personal) Incredulity” is commonly used by ID proponants to justify their conclusion, but this is the first time I’ve seen the “Argument from (Personal) incompetent crapping” to support ID.

Dustan,

You have a serious misunderstanding of evolution. You’re thinking of a kind of game where you can only win if you’re *perfect*. In that case, nobody’s won. Not humans, dogs, whales, snails, bacteria, or any other living thing. No, evolution is more like a game of chess (seriously,
give this some thought before blowing it off). In chess, if you want to win, you have to make sacrifices if you want to win (note: win, NOT come out unscathed).

Likewise, in evolution, the human chain decided they were better off on two feet instead of four, and it turned out they sacrificed a prior advantage. In fact, it was a very poor move to stand; yes, we did gain the ability to hold things in our hands, but we also lost a lot of
structural stability, and some hygienic cleanliness down there.

Read my lips (or text… whatever): THERE IS NO PERFECT ANIMAL; we will NEVER be perfect, not now, and not a billion years from now. You’re thinking of creation, not evolution.

Prospero,

Come on, people., the guy is hilarious, and means to be. I wish the biologists in this group would lighten up, get a date, go bowling, or something.

Jeffery Turner,

Obviously good design. Just like God.

Got to love that argument coming from someone who believes God intelligently created him in His own image.

Ken Shackleton,

Two things to add…..Dogs can, and do, lick their ass.

Also, having been to Third World Africa recently….I can attest from personal experience that the human hand, in conjunction with the liberal application of water….can get one’s behind very clean indeed when toilet paper is not available.

Blazing,

There’s an angle nobody has brought up yet. We -evolved- to eat a different diet than we do today. The time since we were hunter-gatherers is only a few thousand years, evolutionarily
insignificant. Our current diet is very high-fat, high-carbohydrate compared to what we are adapted to, and very low in fiber. If you ate like a hunter-gatherer, I bet your poop would be harder (and not as often!) and there would be less necessity to wipe.

Codebreaker,

Yeah… Bravo for debunking that junk called EVOLUTION. Keep up the
good work. Evolution is nothing but junk

Rappoccio,

This makes a stupid assumption: that humans are the “pinnacle” of evolution. There’s no such thing as the pinnacle of evolution. That’s an inherently creationist argument. If making a mess on our ass after a dump were life-threatening, then evolution could make it go away. If anything, this is an argument against intelligent design. Stupid designers aren’t intelligent.

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6 Responses to “Atheist and Evolutionist Idiocracy”

  1. Jenn said

    All I can say is that your article was so much more interesting than any of these “actual” arguments for evolution. Dogs are amazing, unless they get the runs.

  2. JBT said

    I’m really jealous of the guy who takes clean poos.

  3. So am I. I think I need to start taking fiber every morning.

  4. Gary said

    you should be jealous because it’s awesome

    anyway – I think you’re leaving out some important info about your little experiment in satire you pulled here. alt.atheism is constantly trolled by creationists who make some truly stupid arguments about evolution. So when you posted your link (yes you – it was your e-mail address) you basically trolled the group and you got bites – mainly because the level that some creationists sink to seems like satire it’s so off the chart stupid. So congratulations on your troll status.

  5. I’m pretty proud of my troll status on the atheist boards. Thank you. It’s quite an honor. Of course, my favorite part is that everyone has labeled me a Creationist and Intelligent Design defender. I never mentioned that I was either of those. Who says you have to believe in God for evolution to be false?

  6. Gary said

    So you think evolution is false but you just don’t have any real reasons to think that it is?

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